Funny puppet show

Warning...mould before expiry date

I bought this 2 weeks ago but had forgotten from which supermarket. &*%$^&*$%^#

Inspirational Definitions - Part 4

30. Courage
Do not follow where the path may lead ... go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

31. Reflection
Everything you say and do is a reflection of the inner you.

32. Believe/Succeed
The key to happiness is having dreams ... the key to success is making dreams come true.

33. Do It Now
You become successful the moment you start moving toward a worthwhile goal.

34. Teamwork
Snowflakes are one of nature's most fragile things, but look at what they can do when they stick together.

35. Perseverance
In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins ... not through strength, but through persistence.

36. Optimism
Every obstacle is a stepping-stone to your success.

37. Commitment
To be a winner ... all you need to give is all you have.

High Stake Child's Play

Nowadays you don't have to swtich on the TV to watch the Cantonese drama. You can see or hear it on the streets. Our politicians are playing it quite well. Murder, sex, accusations, allegations and conspirations are in for the nation. Maybe these were played silently in the past but for the past 6 months, the dramas are getting more and more spicy. One day, a polition claimed that another politician did someting. The next day, the other one denied and then said that he did even worst things. Then, a third person said that he can vouched to the allegations. Then in less than 24 hours, the third person retracted his statement and after that went in hiding. Then a 23 year-old aid said that he was sodomized by the politicians. Everyone claims conspiracy. Everyone claims innocent. Not me. He did it. No, not me. He did it. I didn't do it because he did it to me 1st. I did it because he actually did it. I good, he devil. Well...of course these are childish words. The politicians used better English or Bahasa.

Recently, a few commentars have started to say that a lot of people are getting fed up with the stories. Are we? Anyway, we are definitely ignoring the more fundamental issues. Poverty within the community is not highlighted. Developments in the story lines are bold printed in the front page with bigger fonts while developments for the nations have to be squeezed somewhere in between. The advantage of political stability for investment has been shakened by these plays.

But then again, we are still glued to the stories...well...at least I still am.
Questions:
1) Can a 23 year-old man be sodomized by forced by a 60+ man with a neck problem?
2) How can a proclaimed shivering and frightenening lamb be shouting harsh remarks in his girl frined's blog to his sodomizer? Not afraid anymore?
3) Why isn't the famous blogger caught and thrown to the dungeon with his false statutory declaration while he was caught and charged earlier for writing a not-so-law-binding articles in his blog?
4) How can "the law & order" claimed that only 3 people were involved in a questionable murder case even before the trial has started?
5) So, who ordered and took out C4? Tell me, tell me.
6) Why do I have to pay for higher oil price when I produce the oil? I love this story. Ahmad catches fish from the sea. He sells it to me for $10 each. Then someone in the nearby village sells the same fish for $12. So, Ahmad decides to sell $12 too. He said if he sells it to me at $10, he will lose $2. He cannot afford to subsidize me $2 or else he will go bankrupt. So, the question is if Ahmad sells the fish at $10, does he earn $10 or lose $2?
7) When is another oil price hike? Don't tell me not in the future. How much higher?

Have no fear, New gadget is here

But I wonder how to refill.

Sticker at the back of cars

On the way to work this morning, I saw these slogan at the back of the car in front of me,

"Born to shop, forced to work"

Then, another car,

"If you can see this, you are too CLOSE"

Plastic will kill you and me

World First Pregnant "Man" - WOW!!!

First Aid - Baby, Child and Adult CPR

First Aid for Sprain and Strain

First Aid for Burns and Scalds

First Aid for Choking

A recent article in the local newspaper and a friend's uncertainty about adminitering first aid on choking victim prompted these series of videoes.

Fashion is to be carried with grace and posture

There you were, walking alone to your work place and of course minding your own business. Then, suddenly, you saw this beautiful white blouse with a nice brown folded skirt walking towards you. You wondered if those would look nice on you. You wondered where she had gotten those. Then, suddenly, the whole feeling changed as your eyes moved to those legs. You started to think that if not carried with grace and posture, fashion is just like an unpleasant piece of extras. She was walking with an invisible ball between her legs! Some were bornt with bended legs so there is nothing they could do except to cover it with a kind heart. But there are some who don't realize that their adapted walking style is unbearable or rather uninviting.

I know one person whom has changed practically her whole wardrobe to match her career. Unfortunately, there is just things lacking that seriuosly jeorpadize her whole appearance. The clothes look very nice piece by piece. She has learnt great taste. Too bad, she doesn't carry it. Hunched back, bad posture and tired face gave her away.

So, carry fashion with grace and posture. Maybe I should say, grace and posture create fashion.

Grace and good posture create beauty....regardless of what one wears.......or not wear.

How to fold a t-shirt

Animals Save the Planet - polar beer insulation

Animals Save the Planet - eels and electricity

Animals Save the Planet - pup dog standby

Animals Save the Planet - leopard and litter

Animals Save the Planet - jellyfish

Animals Save the Planet - supermarket bags

Animals Save the Planet - cows and gas

The Animals Save the Planet - Elephant Shower

The Animals Save the Planet - Meerkat Traffic

The Animals Save the Planet - Energy Efficient Penguin

Animals Save the Planet - lyons recycle

Inspirational Definitions - Part 3

21. Persistence
Energy and persistence will conquer all things.

22. Leaders
Leaders are like eagles, they don't flock, and you find them one at a time.

23. Attitude
Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.

24. Rule #1
If you don't take care of the customer ... someone else will.

25. Teamwork
Coming together is a beginning ... keeping together is progress ... working together is a success.

26. Customer Care
It's not so much what we do, but how we do it that really matters.

27. Teamwork
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed it is the only thing that ever has.

28. Survival
Every morning in Africa, a Gazelle wakes up. It knows that it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning a Lion wakes up. It knows it must outrun the slowest Gazelle or it will starve to death. It doesn't matter whether you are a lion or a Gazelle ... when the sun comes up, you'd better be running.

29. Imagination
A mind once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions.

Inspirational Definitions - Part 2

11. Risk
You can't reach your goals without occasionally taking some long shots.

12. Success
Some people dream of success ... while others wake up and work hard at it.

13. Opportunity
There is an island of opportunity in the middle of every difficulty.

14. Desire
Some people want it to happen, some wish it to happen ... others make it happen.

15. Determination
The spirit, the will to win, and the will to excel are the things that endure. Those qualities are more important than the events that occur.

16. Commitment
Commitment is a line you cross ... it is the difference between dreaming and doing.

17. Make it Happen.
Sometimes there is no next time, no second chance, and no time out. Sometimes ... it's now or never.

18. Change
A bend in the road is not the end of the road ... unless you fail to make the turn.

19. Attitude
Attack every problem with enthusiasm ... as if your survival depended on it.

20. Diversity
Diversity is the one true thing we all have in common ... celebrate it every day.

Inspirational Definitions - Part 1

1. Quality
The race for quality has no finish line.

2. Opportunity
You'll always miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

3. Teamwork
Teamwork is the ability to work toward a common vision. The ability to direct individual accomplishment toward organizational objectives. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results.

4. Focus
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you fail to focus on your goals.

5. Determination
The race is not always to the swift .... but to those who keep on running.

6. Competition
Whoever said, it's not whether you win or lose that counts, probably lost.

7. Perseverance
The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but a matter of will.

8. Success
The harder you work ... the luckier you get.

9. Effort
Some people dream of worthy accomplishments while others stay awake and do them.

10. Passion
There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart ... pursue those.


From Paul & Bernice Noll "Clear English"

University Undergraduate asking for RM 1200

Just heard from a friend of mine that this is the price of a undergraduate from a local university. His company had recently advertised for a general clerk position. Yes, undergraduates applying for a general clerk position. No kidding. Not one undergraduate, ok. A few, ok. One of them with 1 year + working experience is only asking for RM 1200. Imagine. Undergraduates = Form 5 students. What's the use of labouring so hard to get into a U? I might as well be a hawker after Form 3 or Standard 6. Mmm...there is a bright future for my son after all.

Why men doesn't need a bra?

Why why why? Why men can walk around the neighbourhood with "those things" bigger than some women? They also go boing boing boing!

Ok, I had been naughty over the weekend. I went to a waterpark. I looked at men. Oh boy! The sight kept me wondering and pondering for a while.

I bet now no male friends of mine dares to "open up" in front of me anymore.

Busy & Obsessed with Crafts

Recently busy with another Blog http://freecraft.blogspot.com/

Well...basically love the beautiful crafts but just didn't have the time to do any since a couple of weeks ago. My employment contract ends in August and I am not sure what to do next. Maybe giving more tuitions, maybe making crafts for sale, maybe looking for other employment, maybe, maybe and maybe. Anything except nothing. So they say, a lady doesn't need to be bornt beautiful, she only needs to be bornt with a good fortune. I consider my beauty a curse. Hehehehe....

To commit or not to commit

I came across in the newspaper a few days ago about a woman who had killed her 15 month year old kid and then herself.

I am thinking. A lot of people have suicidal thoughts at least once in their life. Some have it early while some have it when they get old, sick and helpless. So, why some people are able to shake it off while some aren't? Why some see light at the end of the tunnel while others see endless darkness?

For me, the act of committing suicide is not scary. It's what will happen to me after I die that scares me. Some Chinese believe that those who have committed suicide will go over the act again and again until the actual time as written in the "book of live and death" 生死簿" kept by the God of Hell comes. Only then, one's yang life is considered as ended and yin life started. One will then be brought to face judgement in the boot camp aka HELL. Hell does sound condemning but that is because of Christianity interpretation. For Taoism, hell is merely a place when most people go through the eternal cycle of birth, life, death and reincarnation. Not only evil people go to hell in Taoism. As for God of hell, he is merely an administrator who has the task of reforming them and not the evil Saturn.

Anyway, I have sidetracked a bit. What I wanted to say is that to me the uncertainty of life after death is more overwhelming and scary. No one can say for certain what there is installed for me. In that case, I'd rather stay put. Maybe I have not lived in "the living hell" before so I am not sure how one who does would rather end his life. I can understand those hopeless and helpless sick people but for those who did it out of losing lovers, it just mere foolishness. For those who did it because of low grades, it's mere ignorant. Life is not about fate. It is about action and taking charge.

The Greastest Love of All

Click on the picture to enlarge.

Prefect Parents

Being a parent nowadays is an easy task. We only make more difficult for ourselves if we decide to spend more quality time with them. If we leave our kids alone, it's actually pretty easy to bring up kids. As long as we feed them, cloth them, shelter them, provide means for them to get an education anyway but at home, we can go about doing almost all the things we wanted to do. So, nowadays, maids and tuition teachers are necessities for those who can afford them. At home, we have maids as surrogate parents while in school or after school care, we have teachers or tuition teachers as the devils with the cane. The small amount of time we have available with our kids, we take them shopping or we watch TV. You know, the things we like to do and if we like it, they will also like it. If on rare occasion, we take them for a hike or a swim, we will feel very proud of ourselves because we are such good parents.


If we spend time with our kids, words like no, cannot, don't want and all other similar negative statements are used like punctuations in our communication with our children. Why? Because they need discipline. They need to listen to we the-almighty-ones. We, the parents know better. They need to worry about the exams result. They need to know that it is their responsibilities to get good result and bad result entails punishments. They need to understand what's right and wrong. They need to know the world outside is a dangerous one and they'd better sit tight at home or else they will disappear in the sea of wolves outside.


It is our right to ask them to come for a kiss and hug when we feel like we need one. We can also shoo them away when we are not in the mood and we think that they are such pests. It doesn't matter if they are confused as to the right timing to get love and attention from us. When we say it's the time, that is the time. When we shout go to sleep, it doesn't matter how young is our kids. Sleep means sleep. They should obey even if they are under one year old.

Here I am, rumbling about how easy to be a parent. A lot of time we cannot help to be self-centred simply because we are created to only truly know our own feelings. What others feel is just a guess or conclusion derived by us based on our own or others experiences. So what I truly feel about good parenting is to know when to pick and when to let go. It's never an easy task. No "one applied to all" solution. Some parents proudly announce that they always ask their kids to clean their own mess. Some avoid the conversation. Some boasts that they never make a fuss when their kids fall down. Some just listen. Some said they never allow their kids to go out alone without them. Some said children should be given freedom to choose their friends.

So, the conclusion is when to pick and when to let go requires good judgments. How to we gain good judgments? Hell, I don't know.

Interesting Idioms

The Straw That Broke The Camel's Back ( one last thing that finally made the you upset ... ) He came to work late every day that week. Then on Friday, he didn't show up at all. That was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Variety Is The Spice Of Life ( life is exciting when you try different types of experiences ... )

Preaching To The Choir ( trying to make believers out of people who already believe ... )

The Writing On The Wall ( the signs of a coming change ... ) Some people chose not to see it, but the writing was on the wall; the government had to change.

Two Wrongs Don't Make A Right ( it is never right to do wrong to another person ... )

The Devil Is In The Details ( the difficult part is in the many small details ... )

Flash In The Pan ( a sudden success that disappears quickly ... )

Haste Makes Waste ( when we do things too quickly we are likely to end up with poor results ... )

People Who Live In Glass Houses Should Not Throw Stones ( don't criticize other people when you yourself have faults and weaknesses ... )

Idle Hands Are The Devil's Tools ( when you have nothing to do you are more likely to get into trouble ... )

On Your Last Leg ( the end is near ... )

Come Hell Or High Water ( no matter what else happens ... )

The Pot Calling The Kettle Black ( to say something about someone else which is actually true of you yourself ... )

When Pigs Fly ( that thing will never happen ... )

Dog-Eat-Dog ( people are looking out for their own interests ... )I have been in this business for twenty years. It's dog-eat-dog. The competition is always trying to steal your customers.

Everything But Kitchen Sink ( almost everything has been included ... )Wow, your suitcase is huge. What do you have in there? Everything but the kitchen sink?

Under The Gun ( under a lot of pressure to get something done ... )

Fated

Sometimes we wonder why certain things happen.

Sometimes we don't wonder, we just get mad.

Let's say, you are rushing to work and that stupid car in front of you is so d*** slow. You start to curse and swear.

STOP! Maybe that car is godsent. He may be trying to save you from a fatal accident 100 metres away.

Let's say, suddenly an idiot drops his plant from 10th floor and misses you by an inch. You look up and start to ^&$&*$%@.

STOP! You could have been killed if not for him. If you have moved one more step, it could have been a piano on your head.

Let's say, your wife takes so long to get ready for the party and you are the guest of honour. You start to storm the living room and or blame your mother in law, father in law or ancester in law.

STOP! Your wife may be attracting more contracts for you so that after you make it big, you can dump her for another bimbo.

So, when you think nothing worst/good can happen, think twice. Every cloud has a silver lining or in some cases, GOLD lining or PLATINUM lining. Hoh...hoh...hoh.

Is your husband allowed to meet up with his ex?

This was the question that one of my lunch partners raised. 3/4 said, "Ok what?!" I said not ok. They said there can still be friendship after love. Hell! Nah! My foot! I am not giving away any itsy bitsy tinnie winnie possibility of any kind of fling happening behind my back.

"We ,man, can have sex without love but the women can only have sex if there is love." commented one of my male friends. Right on!

I am THE WIFE. This wife said, "You don't need your ex as your friend. MAKE NEW FRIENDS!"

W - Will
I - Injure
F -Friendly
E - Ex

Pink Wee Wee

Had one of these suckers yesterday, thanks to my sister. The next trip to the loo, I found out that the water in the bowl turned pink. I was terrified of the thought that I might be dying because of blood sipping into my urine until I remembered the culprit. It's still pink just now. Hmm...

A Split Second Mishap

Things we sometimes do when our hands should be on the steering wheel and eyes on the road:

1) Putting on make-up

2) Scratching those hard-to-reach parts of your body

3) Looking at the sweet young thing passing by

4) Changing/Looking for your CDs/radio channel

5) Wearing/Looking for your high heels

6) Feeding the baby (bottle or breast)

7) Blasting your music away to make sure the other drivers can also enjoy the beat (pedepak, pedekpom...)

8) Gobbling down instant noodles, McD, KFC etc

9) Slowing down to see if anyone die

10) Copying down the number plate of the crashed car

11) Tailing the ambulance/police escort

12) Showing the other driver your middle finger

13) using the handset (hands-free or not)

These are only the things I think normal people will do. Of course, there are some weirdos out there who would do more heroic stunts.

Too much of one thing

How do you know you have spent too much time with your kids?

Answer : 99% of the tune that you hum throughout the day is nursery rhymes or other cartoon songs.

How do you know you have spent too much time in your office?

Answer : 99% of the time when you want to dial from home, you start with the number 9.

The 1st situation is what I am facing now and the 2nd is what had happened before.

Mouse Alert!

FTZ - 29 Apr
A mouse thief on the run! A mouse has been hijacked from an MNC. The owner, JL found the mouse missing when she came to work this morning. It is believed that the mouse could have been taken away by any passers-by. JL claimed she has already put a spell on the mouse since the day she held the little poor thing. Whoever the mouse ended up with other than the owner, his/her pc will CRASH within the day. However, JL indicated that she is willing to undo the spell if the mouse is returned to her within 24 hours.

Meanwhile, she would also like to appeal to the public to DONATE generously in order for her to upgrade the mouse and its accessories like the mouse pad, the hardware that it is connected to (aka the notebook), the charger, the docking station and/or the carry bag. She can be reached at http://livinglife-jesie.blogspot.com/. Only genuine donors will be shortlisted. Have a heart, people!

Don't Drink and Drive

Who came up with this phrase? I don't think it conveys the message that it has been intended to very well. If it is meant to advise us not to drive under the influence of alcohol, shouldn't the word "drunk" be used instead of "drink"?

One regular drinker commented, "I don't drink and drive. It's dangerous to do other things when driving. I drink......then only I drive."

So, maybe "Don't drive if drunk"? Then you may say that you had a few drinks but you are not drunk. In that case, you should be pretty good in walking heels to toes in a straight line. BUT you should definitely be damn good in blow job to pass the machine.

Whatever it is, DRIVE SAFELY. At times, DEATH is a better alternative than living in eternal agony for your family, your victim or your victim's family and especially for yourself.

If only you knew...but you did know.

How to an "A" for your test?

My husband asked my students and teachers, "Do you know how to get an "A" for your test?"

Looking at the puzzling faces of my innocent friends, he announced, "Don't attend the test. Then you will get an "A" for absent."

"Do you know how to get a "D" then?" He continued.

Looking at their eager faces, he announced, "Get all questions correct. Then you will get a "D" for distinction."

Die. My reputation gone.

Opportunity never knocks twice

Why the sentence ended this way? Why not these:

Opportunity never knocks twice but it knocks 3, 4 times.

Opportunity never knocks twice but better ones do.

Opportunity never knocks twice. It will barge in instead.

Opportunity never knocks twice. So, here is how the "knock knock game" is played.
Knock.
Who is it?
Opportunity.
Opportunity who?
I also never say my name twice.

Note: For the record, this phrase has been on my mind since last night when I had to choose between 3 full time work and the existing part time low class work. The conclusion is I hope better part time ones do come knocking later.

Tricky questions my husband avoided

W - Wife, H - Hubby

W : Am I the prettiest one compred to the many ex-girlfriends you had?
H : Yes, you are the prettiest one.
W: And how many girlfriend you had before me?

H : No, you are not the prettiest one.
W : No, what do you mean no! Huh! *(^&&*$%@##@

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
W : If I die 1st, would you marry another?
H : Yes.
W: What! How are dare you?! How long have you been thinking about marrying another one?

H : No. I will die 1st with all your questions.
W : ^%#^%$#!@!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
W : If both your mother and I fall into the sea at the same time, who would you rescue 1st?
H : I will rescue both of you together. (Thinking..... then I will jump instead)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My husband's answer to all the above questions, "I am not going to fall into your traps!"
My thought, "Heh! We will see about that!"

Stand up Comedian

What do you call a stand up comedian whose friends did not turn up for his 1st show?

A stood up comedian.

Presidential Humorous Rescue

Part of an article read about the humourous side of President Reaganand the First Lady. They were at a function. As they were ushered to their seats, everyone was clapping and cheering. Suddenly, the First Lady missed her chair and dropped to the ground. Time stood still. Everyone was stunned. No one knew how to react.

Burst out laughing? Who dared?

Her dear husband helped her up. After that, he told her in front of the audience, "My dear, I thought we have agreed earlier that you are only to do that if no one claps after my speech."

Only then did everyone laugh or dare to laugh.

Volcanic Scam

I heard there are a few people selling stones extracted from the valcanos. The stones costs about RM 500 per piece. It is claimed that these stones can cure many sicknesses. One of the salesmen met his match when he tried to sell it to a friend of mine, Ah Pek.

The salesman told Ah Pek that the stone can cure many deceases and many people had bought it. Ah Pek quickly took out his hand phone and started dialling. The salesman asked him who he was calling. Ah Pek told him that he was calling his son. The salesman asked why. Ah Pek said he wanted to tell his son to quit medical school then and start selling the stone.

As far as I know, Ah Pek's son is in a private college studying accountancy.

Equation of Cultural Shock

When a Malaysian sees an American having Coke for breakfast

=

When an American sees a Malaysian having "nasi lemak" for breakfast.

Love at 1st sight, Suicidal at the 2nd

Love at 1st sight : the chemistry within when he met her alone in a bar.

Suicidal at the 2nd : the intention to kill himself when he discovered that she was actually a "he" the next morning.