Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Friday, June 6, 2008
Inspirational Definitions - Part 3
21. Persistence
Energy and persistence will conquer all things.
22. Leaders
Leaders are like eagles, they don't flock, and you find them one at a time.
23. Attitude
Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.
24. Rule #1
If you don't take care of the customer ... someone else will.
25. Teamwork
Coming together is a beginning ... keeping together is progress ... working together is a success.
26. Customer Care
It's not so much what we do, but how we do it that really matters.
27. Teamwork
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed it is the only thing that ever has.
28. Survival
Every morning in Africa, a Gazelle wakes up. It knows that it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning a Lion wakes up. It knows it must outrun the slowest Gazelle or it will starve to death. It doesn't matter whether you are a lion or a Gazelle ... when the sun comes up, you'd better be running.
29. Imagination
A mind once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions.
Energy and persistence will conquer all things.
22. Leaders
Leaders are like eagles, they don't flock, and you find them one at a time.
23. Attitude
Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.
24. Rule #1
If you don't take care of the customer ... someone else will.
25. Teamwork
Coming together is a beginning ... keeping together is progress ... working together is a success.
26. Customer Care
It's not so much what we do, but how we do it that really matters.
27. Teamwork
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed it is the only thing that ever has.
28. Survival
Every morning in Africa, a Gazelle wakes up. It knows that it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning a Lion wakes up. It knows it must outrun the slowest Gazelle or it will starve to death. It doesn't matter whether you are a lion or a Gazelle ... when the sun comes up, you'd better be running.
29. Imagination
A mind once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Inspirational Definitions - Part 2
11. Risk
You can't reach your goals without occasionally taking some long shots.
12. Success
Some people dream of success ... while others wake up and work hard at it.
13. Opportunity
There is an island of opportunity in the middle of every difficulty.
14. Desire
Some people want it to happen, some wish it to happen ... others make it happen.
15. Determination
The spirit, the will to win, and the will to excel are the things that endure. Those qualities are more important than the events that occur.
16. Commitment
Commitment is a line you cross ... it is the difference between dreaming and doing.
17. Make it Happen.
Sometimes there is no next time, no second chance, and no time out. Sometimes ... it's now or never.
18. Change
A bend in the road is not the end of the road ... unless you fail to make the turn.
19. Attitude
Attack every problem with enthusiasm ... as if your survival depended on it.
20. Diversity
Diversity is the one true thing we all have in common ... celebrate it every day.
You can't reach your goals without occasionally taking some long shots.
12. Success
Some people dream of success ... while others wake up and work hard at it.
13. Opportunity
There is an island of opportunity in the middle of every difficulty.
14. Desire
Some people want it to happen, some wish it to happen ... others make it happen.
15. Determination
The spirit, the will to win, and the will to excel are the things that endure. Those qualities are more important than the events that occur.
16. Commitment
Commitment is a line you cross ... it is the difference between dreaming and doing.
17. Make it Happen.
Sometimes there is no next time, no second chance, and no time out. Sometimes ... it's now or never.
18. Change
A bend in the road is not the end of the road ... unless you fail to make the turn.
19. Attitude
Attack every problem with enthusiasm ... as if your survival depended on it.
20. Diversity
Diversity is the one true thing we all have in common ... celebrate it every day.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Inspirational Definitions - Part 1
1. Quality
The race for quality has no finish line.
2. Opportunity
You'll always miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
3. Teamwork
Teamwork is the ability to work toward a common vision. The ability to direct individual accomplishment toward organizational objectives. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results.
4. Focus
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you fail to focus on your goals.
5. Determination
The race is not always to the swift .... but to those who keep on running.
6. Competition
Whoever said, it's not whether you win or lose that counts, probably lost.
7. Perseverance
The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but a matter of will.
8. Success
The harder you work ... the luckier you get.
9. Effort
Some people dream of worthy accomplishments while others stay awake and do them.
10. Passion
There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart ... pursue those.
From Paul & Bernice Noll "Clear English"
The race for quality has no finish line.
2. Opportunity
You'll always miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
3. Teamwork
Teamwork is the ability to work toward a common vision. The ability to direct individual accomplishment toward organizational objectives. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results.
4. Focus
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you fail to focus on your goals.
5. Determination
The race is not always to the swift .... but to those who keep on running.
6. Competition
Whoever said, it's not whether you win or lose that counts, probably lost.
7. Perseverance
The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but a matter of will.
8. Success
The harder you work ... the luckier you get.
9. Effort
Some people dream of worthy accomplishments while others stay awake and do them.
10. Passion
There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart ... pursue those.
From Paul & Bernice Noll "Clear English"
Monday, June 2, 2008
University Undergraduate asking for RM 1200
Just heard from a friend of mine that this is the price of a undergraduate from a local university. His company had recently advertised for a general clerk position. Yes, undergraduates applying for a general clerk position. No kidding. Not one undergraduate, ok. A few, ok. One of them with 1 year + working experience is only asking for RM 1200. Imagine. Undergraduates = Form 5 students. What's the use of labouring so hard to get into a U? I might as well be a hawker after Form 3 or Standard 6. Mmm...there is a bright future for my son after all.
Why men doesn't need a bra?
Why why why? Why men can walk around the neighbourhood with "those things" bigger than some women? They also go boing boing boing!
Ok, I had been naughty over the weekend. I went to a waterpark. I looked at men. Oh boy! The sight kept me wondering and pondering for a while.
I bet now no male friends of mine dares to "open up" in front of me anymore.
Ok, I had been naughty over the weekend. I went to a waterpark. I looked at men. Oh boy! The sight kept me wondering and pondering for a while.
I bet now no male friends of mine dares to "open up" in front of me anymore.
Busy & Obsessed with Crafts
Recently busy with another Blog http://freecraft.blogspot.com/
Well...basically love the beautiful crafts but just didn't have the time to do any since a couple of weeks ago. My employment contract ends in August and I am not sure what to do next. Maybe giving more tuitions, maybe making crafts for sale, maybe looking for other employment, maybe, maybe and maybe. Anything except nothing. So they say, a lady doesn't need to be bornt beautiful, she only needs to be bornt with a good fortune. I consider my beauty a curse. Hehehehe....
Well...basically love the beautiful crafts but just didn't have the time to do any since a couple of weeks ago. My employment contract ends in August and I am not sure what to do next. Maybe giving more tuitions, maybe making crafts for sale, maybe looking for other employment, maybe, maybe and maybe. Anything except nothing. So they say, a lady doesn't need to be bornt beautiful, she only needs to be bornt with a good fortune. I consider my beauty a curse. Hehehehe....
Sunday, May 25, 2008
To commit or not to commit
I came across in the newspaper a few days ago about a woman who had killed her 15 month year old kid and then herself.I am thinking. A lot of people have suicidal thoughts at least once in their life. Some have it early while some have it when they get old, sick and helpless. So, why some people are able to shake it off while some aren't? Why some see light at the end of the tunnel while others see endless darkness?
For me, the act of committing suicide is not scary. It's what will happen to me after I die that scares me. Some Chinese believe that those who have committed suicide will go over the act again and again until the actual time as written in the "book of live and death" 生死簿" kept by the God of Hell comes. Only then, one's yang life is considered as ended and yin life started. One will then be brought to face judgement in the boot camp aka HELL. Hell does sound condemning but that is because of Christianity interpretation. For Taoism, hell is merely a place when most people go through the eternal cycle of birth, life, death and reincarnation. Not only evil people go to hell in Taoism. As for God of hell, he is merely an administrator who has the task of reforming them and not the evil Saturn.
Anyway, I have sidetracked a bit. What I wanted to say is that to me the uncertainty of life after death is more overwhelming and scary. No one can say for certain what there is installed for me. In that case, I'd rather stay put. Maybe I have not lived in "the living hell" before so I am not sure how one who does would rather end his life. I can understand those hopeless and helpless sick people but for those who did it out of losing lovers, it just mere foolishness. For those who did it because of low grades, it's mere ignorant. Life is not about fate. It is about action and taking charge.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Monday, May 12, 2008
Prefect Parents
Being a parent nowadays is an easy task. We only make more difficult for ourselves if we decide to spend more quality time with them. If we leave our kids alone, it's actually pretty easy to bring up kids. As long as we feed them, cloth them, shelter them, provide means for them to get an education anyway but at home, we can go about doing almost all the things we wanted to do. So, nowadays, maids and tuition teachers are necessities for those who can afford them. At home, we have maids as surrogate parents while in school or after school care, we have teachers or tuition teachers as the devils with the cane. The small amount of time we have available with our kids, we take them shopping or we watch TV. You know, the things we like to do and if we like it, they will also like it. If on rare occasion, we take them for a hike or a swim, we will feel very proud of ourselves because we are such good parents.
If we spend time with our kids, words like no, cannot, don't want and all other similar negative statements are used like punctuations in our communication with our children. Why? Because they need discipline. They need to listen to we the-almighty-ones. We, the parents know better. They need to worry about the exams result. They need to know that it is their responsibilities to get good result and bad result entails punishments. They need to understand what's right and wrong. They need to know the world outside is a dangerous one and they'd better sit tight at home or else they will disappear in the sea of wolves outside.
It is our right to ask them to come for a kiss and hug when we feel like we need one. We can also shoo them away when we are not in the mood and we think that they are such pests. It doesn't matter if they are confused as to the right timing to get love and attention from us. When we say it's the time, that is the time. When we shout go to sleep, it doesn't matter how young is our kids. Sleep means sleep. They should obey even if they are under one year old.
Here I am, rumbling about how easy to be a parent. A lot of time we cannot help to be self-centred simply because we are created to only truly know our own feelings. What others feel is just a guess or conclusion derived by us based on our own or others experiences. So what I truly feel about good parenting is to know when to pick and when to let go. It's never an easy task. No "one applied to all" solution. Some parents proudly announce that they always ask their kids to clean their own mess. Some avoid the conversation. Some boasts that they never make a fuss when their kids fall down. Some just listen. Some said they never allow their kids to go out alone without them. Some said children should be given freedom to choose their friends.
So, the conclusion is when to pick and when to let go requires good judgments. How to we gain good judgments? Hell, I don't know.
If we spend time with our kids, words like no, cannot, don't want and all other similar negative statements are used like punctuations in our communication with our children. Why? Because they need discipline. They need to listen to we the-almighty-ones. We, the parents know better. They need to worry about the exams result. They need to know that it is their responsibilities to get good result and bad result entails punishments. They need to understand what's right and wrong. They need to know the world outside is a dangerous one and they'd better sit tight at home or else they will disappear in the sea of wolves outside.
It is our right to ask them to come for a kiss and hug when we feel like we need one. We can also shoo them away when we are not in the mood and we think that they are such pests. It doesn't matter if they are confused as to the right timing to get love and attention from us. When we say it's the time, that is the time. When we shout go to sleep, it doesn't matter how young is our kids. Sleep means sleep. They should obey even if they are under one year old.
Here I am, rumbling about how easy to be a parent. A lot of time we cannot help to be self-centred simply because we are created to only truly know our own feelings. What others feel is just a guess or conclusion derived by us based on our own or others experiences. So what I truly feel about good parenting is to know when to pick and when to let go. It's never an easy task. No "one applied to all" solution. Some parents proudly announce that they always ask their kids to clean their own mess. Some avoid the conversation. Some boasts that they never make a fuss when their kids fall down. Some just listen. Some said they never allow their kids to go out alone without them. Some said children should be given freedom to choose their friends.
So, the conclusion is when to pick and when to let go requires good judgments. How to we gain good judgments? Hell, I don't know.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Interesting Idioms
The Straw That Broke The Camel's Back ( one last thing that finally made the you upset ... ) He came to work late every day that week. Then on Friday, he didn't show up at all. That was the straw that broke the camel's back.
Variety Is The Spice Of Life ( life is exciting when you try different types of experiences ... )
Preaching To The Choir ( trying to make believers out of people who already believe ... )
The Writing On The Wall ( the signs of a coming change ... ) Some people chose not to see it, but the writing was on the wall; the government had to change.
Two Wrongs Don't Make A Right ( it is never right to do wrong to another person ... )
Variety Is The Spice Of Life ( life is exciting when you try different types of experiences ... )
Preaching To The Choir ( trying to make believers out of people who already believe ... )
The Writing On The Wall ( the signs of a coming change ... ) Some people chose not to see it, but the writing was on the wall; the government had to change.
Two Wrongs Don't Make A Right ( it is never right to do wrong to another person ... )
The Devil Is In The Details ( the difficult part is in the many small details ... )
Flash In The Pan ( a sudden success that disappears quickly ... )
Haste Makes Waste ( when we do things too quickly we are likely to end up with poor results ... )
People Who Live In Glass Houses Should Not Throw Stones ( don't criticize other people when you yourself have faults and weaknesses ... )
Idle Hands Are The Devil's Tools ( when you have nothing to do you are more likely to get into trouble ... )
On Your Last Leg ( the end is near ... )
Come Hell Or High Water ( no matter what else happens ... )
The Pot Calling The Kettle Black ( to say something about someone else which is actually true of you yourself ... )
When Pigs Fly ( that thing will never happen ... )
Dog-Eat-Dog ( people are looking out for their own interests ... )I have been in this business for twenty years. It's dog-eat-dog. The competition is always trying to steal your customers.
Everything But Kitchen Sink ( almost everything has been included ... )Wow, your suitcase is huge. What do you have in there? Everything but the kitchen sink?
Under The Gun ( under a lot of pressure to get something done ... )
Fated
Sometimes we wonder why certain things happen.
Sometimes we don't wonder, we just get mad.
Let's say, you are rushing to work and that stupid car in front of you is so d*** slow. You start to curse and swear.
STOP! Maybe that car is godsent. He may be trying to save you from a fatal accident 100 metres away.
Let's say, suddenly an idiot drops his plant from 10th floor and misses you by an inch. You look up and start to ^&$&*$%@.
STOP! You could have been killed if not for him. If you have moved one more step, it could have been a piano on your head.
Let's say, your wife takes so long to get ready for the party and you are the guest of honour. You start to storm the living room and or blame your mother in law, father in law or ancester in law.
STOP! Your wife may be attracting more contracts for you so that after you make it big, you can dump her for another bimbo.
So, when you think nothing worst/good can happen, think twice. Every cloud has a silver lining or in some cases, GOLD lining or PLATINUM lining. Hoh...hoh...hoh.
Sometimes we don't wonder, we just get mad.
Let's say, you are rushing to work and that stupid car in front of you is so d*** slow. You start to curse and swear.
STOP! Maybe that car is godsent. He may be trying to save you from a fatal accident 100 metres away.
Let's say, suddenly an idiot drops his plant from 10th floor and misses you by an inch. You look up and start to ^&$&*$%@.
STOP! You could have been killed if not for him. If you have moved one more step, it could have been a piano on your head.
Let's say, your wife takes so long to get ready for the party and you are the guest of honour. You start to storm the living room and or blame your mother in law, father in law or ancester in law.
STOP! Your wife may be attracting more contracts for you so that after you make it big, you can dump her for another bimbo.
So, when you think nothing worst/good can happen, think twice. Every cloud has a silver lining or in some cases, GOLD lining or PLATINUM lining. Hoh...hoh...hoh.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Is your husband allowed to meet up with his ex?
This was the question that one of my lunch partners raised. 3/4 said, "Ok what?!" I said not ok. They said there can still be friendship after love. Hell! Nah! My foot! I am not giving away any itsy bitsy tinnie winnie possibility of any kind of fling happening behind my back.
"We ,man, can have sex without love but the women can only have sex if there is love." commented one of my male friends. Right on!
I am THE WIFE. This wife said, "You don't need your ex as your friend. MAKE NEW FRIENDS!"
W - Will
I - Injure
F -Friendly
E - Ex
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Pink Wee Wee
Had one of these suckers yesterday, thanks to my sister. The next trip to the loo, I found out that the water in the bowl turned pink. I was terrified of the thought that I might be dying because of blood sipping into my urine until I remembered the culprit. It's still pink just now. Hmm...
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
A Split Second Mishap
Things we sometimes do when our hands should be on the steering wheel and eyes on the road:
1) Putting on make-up
2) Scratching those hard-to-reach parts of your body
3) Looking at the sweet young thing passing by
4) Changing/Looking for your CDs/radio channel
5) Wearing/Looking for your high heels
6) Feeding the baby (bottle or breast)
7) Blasting your music away to make sure the other drivers can also enjoy the beat (pedepak, pedekpom...)
8) Gobbling down instant noodles, McD, KFC etc
9) Slowing down to see if anyone die
10) Copying down the number plate of the crashed car
11) Tailing the ambulance/police escort
12) Showing the other driver your middle finger
13) using the handset (hands-free or not)
These are only the things I think normal people will do. Of course, there are some weirdos out there who would do more heroic stunts.
1) Putting on make-up
2) Scratching those hard-to-reach parts of your body
3) Looking at the sweet young thing passing by
4) Changing/Looking for your CDs/radio channel
5) Wearing/Looking for your high heels
6) Feeding the baby (bottle or breast)
7) Blasting your music away to make sure the other drivers can also enjoy the beat (pedepak, pedekpom...)
8) Gobbling down instant noodles, McD, KFC etc
9) Slowing down to see if anyone die
10) Copying down the number plate of the crashed car
11) Tailing the ambulance/police escort
12) Showing the other driver your middle finger
13) using the handset (hands-free or not)
These are only the things I think normal people will do. Of course, there are some weirdos out there who would do more heroic stunts.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Too much of one thing
How do you know you have spent too much time with your kids?
Answer : 99% of the tune that you hum throughout the day is nursery rhymes or other cartoon songs.
How do you know you have spent too much time in your office?
Answer : 99% of the time when you want to dial from home, you start with the number 9.
The 1st situation is what I am facing now and the 2nd is what had happened before.
Answer : 99% of the tune that you hum throughout the day is nursery rhymes or other cartoon songs.
How do you know you have spent too much time in your office?
Answer : 99% of the time when you want to dial from home, you start with the number 9.
The 1st situation is what I am facing now and the 2nd is what had happened before.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Mouse Alert!
FTZ - 29 Apr
A mouse thief on the run! A mouse has been hijacked from an MNC. The owner, JL found the mouse missing when she came to work this morning. It is believed that the mouse could have been taken away by any passers-by. JL claimed she has already put a spell on the mouse since the day she held the little poor thing. Whoever the mouse ended up with other than the owner, his/her pc will CRASH within the day. However, JL indicated that she is willing to undo the spell if the mouse is returned to her within 24 hours.
A mouse thief on the run! A mouse has been hijacked from an MNC. The owner, JL found the mouse missing when she came to work this morning. It is believed that the mouse could have been taken away by any passers-by. JL claimed she has already put a spell on the mouse since the day she held the little poor thing. Whoever the mouse ended up with other than the owner, his/her pc will CRASH within the day. However, JL indicated that she is willing to undo the spell if the mouse is returned to her within 24 hours.
Meanwhile, she would also like to appeal to the public to DONATE generously in order for her to upgrade the mouse and its accessories like the mouse pad, the hardware that it is connected to (aka the notebook), the charger, the docking station and/or the carry bag. She can be reached at http://livinglife-jesie.blogspot.com/. Only genuine donors will be shortlisted. Have a heart, people!
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Don't Drink and Drive
Who came up with this phrase? I don't think it conveys the message that it has been intended to very well. If it is meant to advise us not to drive under the influence of alcohol, shouldn't the word "drunk" be used instead of "drink"?
One regular drinker commented, "I don't drink and drive. It's dangerous to do other things when driving. I drink......then only I drive."
So, maybe "Don't drive if drunk"? Then you may say that you had a few drinks but you are not drunk. In that case, you should be pretty good in walking heels to toes in a straight line. BUT you should definitely be damn good in blow job to pass the machine.
Whatever it is, DRIVE SAFELY. At times, DEATH is a better alternative than living in eternal agony for your family, your victim or your victim's family and especially for yourself.
If only you knew...but you did know.
Friday, April 25, 2008
How to an "A" for your test?
My husband asked my students and teachers, "Do you know how to get an "A" for your test?"
Looking at the puzzling faces of my innocent friends, he announced, "Don't attend the test. Then you will get an "A" for absent."
"Do you know how to get a "D" then?" He continued.
Looking at their eager faces, he announced, "Get all questions correct. Then you will get a "D" for distinction."
Die. My reputation gone.
Looking at the puzzling faces of my innocent friends, he announced, "Don't attend the test. Then you will get an "A" for absent."
"Do you know how to get a "D" then?" He continued.
Looking at their eager faces, he announced, "Get all questions correct. Then you will get a "D" for distinction."
Die. My reputation gone.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Opportunity never knocks twice
Why the sentence ended this way? Why not these:
Opportunity never knocks twice but it knocks 3, 4 times.
Opportunity never knocks twice but better ones do.
Opportunity never knocks twice. It will barge in instead.
Opportunity never knocks twice. So, here is how the "knock knock game" is played.
Knock.
Who is it?
Opportunity.
Opportunity who?
I also never say my name twice.
Note: For the record, this phrase has been on my mind since last night when I had to choose between 3 full time work and the existing part time low class work. The conclusion is I hope better part time ones do come knocking later.
Opportunity never knocks twice but it knocks 3, 4 times.
Opportunity never knocks twice but better ones do.
Opportunity never knocks twice. It will barge in instead.
Opportunity never knocks twice. So, here is how the "knock knock game" is played.
Knock.
Who is it?
Opportunity.
Opportunity who?
I also never say my name twice.
Note: For the record, this phrase has been on my mind since last night when I had to choose between 3 full time work and the existing part time low class work. The conclusion is I hope better part time ones do come knocking later.
Tricky questions my husband avoided
W - Wife, H - Hubby
W : Am I the prettiest one compred to the many ex-girlfriends you had?
H : Yes, you are the prettiest one.
W: And how many girlfriend you had before me?
H : No, you are not the prettiest one.
W : No, what do you mean no! Huh! *(^&&*$%@##@
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
W : If I die 1st, would you marry another?
H : Yes.
W: What! How are dare you?! How long have you been thinking about marrying another one?
H : No. I will die 1st with all your questions.
W : ^%#^%$#!@!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
W : If both your mother and I fall into the sea at the same time, who would you rescue 1st?
H : I will rescue both of you together. (Thinking..... then I will jump instead)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My husband's answer to all the above questions, "I am not going to fall into your traps!"
My thought, "Heh! We will see about that!"
W : Am I the prettiest one compred to the many ex-girlfriends you had?
H : Yes, you are the prettiest one.
W: And how many girlfriend you had before me?
H : No, you are not the prettiest one.
W : No, what do you mean no! Huh! *(^&&*$%@##@
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
W : If I die 1st, would you marry another?
H : Yes.
W: What! How are dare you?! How long have you been thinking about marrying another one?
H : No. I will die 1st with all your questions.
W : ^%#^%$#!@!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
W : If both your mother and I fall into the sea at the same time, who would you rescue 1st?
H : I will rescue both of you together. (Thinking..... then I will jump instead)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My husband's answer to all the above questions, "I am not going to fall into your traps!"
My thought, "Heh! We will see about that!"
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Stand up Comedian
What do you call a stand up comedian whose friends did not turn up for his 1st show?
A stood up comedian.
A stood up comedian.
Presidential Humorous Rescue
Part of an article read about the humourous side of President Reaganand the First Lady. They were at a function. As they were ushered to their seats, everyone was clapping and cheering. Suddenly, the First Lady missed her chair and dropped to the ground. Time stood still. Everyone was stunned. No one knew how to react.
Burst out laughing? Who dared?
Her dear husband helped her up. After that, he told her in front of the audience, "My dear, I thought we have agreed earlier that you are only to do that if no one claps after my speech."
Only then did everyone laugh or dare to laugh.
Burst out laughing? Who dared?
Her dear husband helped her up. After that, he told her in front of the audience, "My dear, I thought we have agreed earlier that you are only to do that if no one claps after my speech."
Only then did everyone laugh or dare to laugh.
Volcanic Scam
I heard there are a few people selling stones extracted from the valcanos. The stones costs about RM 500 per piece. It is claimed that these stones can cure many sicknesses. One of the salesmen met his match when he tried to sell it to a friend of mine, Ah Pek.
The salesman told Ah Pek that the stone can cure many deceases and many people had bought it. Ah Pek quickly took out his hand phone and started dialling. The salesman asked him who he was calling. Ah Pek told him that he was calling his son. The salesman asked why. Ah Pek said he wanted to tell his son to quit medical school then and start selling the stone.
As far as I know, Ah Pek's son is in a private college studying accountancy.
The salesman told Ah Pek that the stone can cure many deceases and many people had bought it. Ah Pek quickly took out his hand phone and started dialling. The salesman asked him who he was calling. Ah Pek told him that he was calling his son. The salesman asked why. Ah Pek said he wanted to tell his son to quit medical school then and start selling the stone.
As far as I know, Ah Pek's son is in a private college studying accountancy.
Equation of Cultural Shock
When a Malaysian sees an American having Coke for breakfast
=
When an American sees a Malaysian having "nasi lemak" for breakfast.
=
When an American sees a Malaysian having "nasi lemak" for breakfast.
Love at 1st sight, Suicidal at the 2nd
Love at 1st sight : the chemistry within when he met her alone in a bar.
Suicidal at the 2nd : the intention to kill himself when he discovered that she was actually a "he" the next morning.
Suicidal at the 2nd : the intention to kill himself when he discovered that she was actually a "he" the next morning.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Mending your father
One of my Std 4 students made this sentence last week after a drill on "gerund". He was supposed to match the gerunds given to the sentences.
I remembered mending your father last year.
Sigh...
I remembered mending your father last year.
Sigh...
Dress to KILL
People dress to KILL in many ways:
1) Dress to KILL you for some free drinks/meals
2) Dress to KILL you instead of concentrating on her dept's way above budget expenditure or dropping sales
3) Dress to KILL you for a promotion or raise
4) Dress to KILL your interest to know her better
5) Dress to KILL you eventually with the marriage certificate
1) Dress to KILL you for some free drinks/meals
2) Dress to KILL you instead of concentrating on her dept's way above budget expenditure or dropping sales
3) Dress to KILL you for a promotion or raise
4) Dress to KILL your interest to know her better
5) Dress to KILL you eventually with the marriage certificate
Monday, April 21, 2008
Various swimming style defined
Free style : any style that the beginner uses.
Breast stroke : the style used by those who swim in the middle of the night. This usually involves more than 1 person.
Dolphin style : a sea version of the butterfly style.
Butterfly style : a land version of the dolphin style.
Moth style : an ugly version of the butterfly style. I created the name since I swim like that.
Chimming : a new vocabulary adapted from swimming and Hokkien "Chim" which means soak. It means only soaking in the water without any sign/indication of doing any actual swimming.
Breast stroke : the style used by those who swim in the middle of the night. This usually involves more than 1 person.
Dolphin style : a sea version of the butterfly style.
Butterfly style : a land version of the dolphin style.
Moth style : an ugly version of the butterfly style. I created the name since I swim like that.
Chimming : a new vocabulary adapted from swimming and Hokkien "Chim" which means soak. It means only soaking in the water without any sign/indication of doing any actual swimming.
Kung Fu in the Ladies Room
I don't like the sitting public toilet bowl. I only like to sit at home. Outside, I like to squat. Unfortunately, most public toilets have the sitting ones except those on highways. It's puzzling why the sitting ones are preferred to the squating ones. Is it more expansive to install the squating one? Is the squating one messier? Don't they realize that we are scared of the possibility of life threatening germs jumping hosts?
Anyway, what I wanted to say is that we ladies always have to practise Kung Fu when confronted with the bowl. Half squating while ensuring our clothes do not touch the bowl and also trying not to spill over are not easy tasks, ok?! These need years and years of practice. Some mastered it, a lot didn't. To those who did, BRAVO! To those who have not, wipe your FALLOUTS!
Some also practise another style of Kung Fu, standing ON the toilet seat. To those, I hope one day, both your legs will fall into the bowl.
Anyone have had to do a biggie in one of those dirty sitting toilet bowl? That was a real BIG challenge!
Note: It is neither in nor chic nor cool to sit on a toilet bowl while eating from a toilet bowl. If you really want to know which restaurant has this concept, let me know.
Update: To Edwina who thinks that the bowl is better coz less chance of one's shoes getting wet,
next time, don't wait until your bladder is about to burst.
Well, most of the time the squating ones are wet and you don't know if those are water or wee-ter. Sigh...
Anyway, what I wanted to say is that we ladies always have to practise Kung Fu when confronted with the bowl. Half squating while ensuring our clothes do not touch the bowl and also trying not to spill over are not easy tasks, ok?! These need years and years of practice. Some mastered it, a lot didn't. To those who did, BRAVO! To those who have not, wipe your FALLOUTS!
Some also practise another style of Kung Fu, standing ON the toilet seat. To those, I hope one day, both your legs will fall into the bowl.
Anyone have had to do a biggie in one of those dirty sitting toilet bowl? That was a real BIG challenge!
Note: It is neither in nor chic nor cool to sit on a toilet bowl while eating from a toilet bowl. If you really want to know which restaurant has this concept, let me know.
Update: To Edwina who thinks that the bowl is better coz less chance of one's shoes getting wet,
next time, don't wait until your bladder is about to burst.
Well, most of the time the squating ones are wet and you don't know if those are water or wee-ter. Sigh...
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Metempsychosis or Reincarnation
Recently reminded of this phrase in one of the Hong Kong series, "赶住去投胎啊?" (pronounced as "kon chue hoeh tou toi ah")
We, highly educated people, should speak in a more refined language, "rushing to be reincarnated ah?"or "rushing to go through metempsychosis ah?"
So, the next time someone honks at you, you should shout, "rushing to be reincarnated ah?"
So, the next time someone cuts queue, you should shout, "rushing to go through metempsychosis ah?"
Disclaimer : That is provided you know how to pronounce "METEMPSYCHOSIS" or "Reincarnated". If not, I suggest you to go back to ""赶住去投胎啊?" since the number of pronunciation key are the same, 5, without the 啊.
We, highly educated people, should speak in a more refined language, "rushing to be reincarnated ah?"or "rushing to go through metempsychosis ah?"
So, the next time someone honks at you, you should shout, "rushing to be reincarnated ah?"
So, the next time someone cuts queue, you should shout, "rushing to go through metempsychosis ah?"
Disclaimer : That is provided you know how to pronounce "METEMPSYCHOSIS" or "Reincarnated". If not, I suggest you to go back to ""赶住去投胎啊?" since the number of pronunciation key are the same, 5, without the 啊.
If only I knew, I would have...
If only I knew, I would have kept an eye on him in the pool.
If only I knew, I would have stopped him from playing by the roadside.
If only I knew, I would have peeked at with whom she had been chatting in the net.
If only I knew, I would have walked him to the school.
If only I knew, I would have taught him the danger of drugs.
If only I knew, I would have stopped him from stealing.
If only I knew, I would have stopped him from driving home drunk.
If only I knew, I would have been kinder to him.
If only I knew, I would have held on to my purse tightly.
If only I knew, I would have looked around before I opened the door.
If only I knew, I would have stayed in the car before help arrived.
If only I knew, I would have driven straight to the nearest police station.
If only I knew, I would have asked him to wear a helmet.
If only I knew, I would have poured the cold water in the tub 1st instead of the boiling one.
If only I knew, I would have stayed with the toddler in the bathroom.
If only I knew, I would not have gotten myself into this mess.
I have read about it somewhere but it never occurs to me that it may happen to me one day.
If only I knew, I would have stopped him from playing by the roadside.
If only I knew, I would have peeked at with whom she had been chatting in the net.
If only I knew, I would have walked him to the school.
If only I knew, I would have taught him the danger of drugs.
If only I knew, I would have stopped him from stealing.
If only I knew, I would have stopped him from driving home drunk.
If only I knew, I would have been kinder to him.
If only I knew, I would have held on to my purse tightly.
If only I knew, I would have looked around before I opened the door.
If only I knew, I would have stayed in the car before help arrived.
If only I knew, I would have driven straight to the nearest police station.
If only I knew, I would have asked him to wear a helmet.
If only I knew, I would have poured the cold water in the tub 1st instead of the boiling one.
If only I knew, I would have stayed with the toddler in the bathroom.
If only I knew, I would not have gotten myself into this mess.
I have read about it somewhere but it never occurs to me that it may happen to me one day.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Ahhh....coffee in the morning
Every morning, I donate a few coins to the vending machine outside. If not. I will feel the effect at 3 p.m. after which nothing (except 2 hours of sleep) can reverse the effect.
HOWEVER, I really don't need the coffee from your mouth.
I have smelt coffee from others' mouth before. Although it is not as bad as a burp after a feast of durian, it is not inviting as well. It is unpleasant when you are talking real business like why our revenue is not looking good this quarter, why our expenses are so high, why Oracle sucks, why you look so buzy these days...etc.
So, please rinse your mouth after coffee and before opening your mouth. Alternatively, use yahoo im, msn messenger, skpye, netmeeting, webmeeting, conference calling, gesturing......anything but opening.
Note: this does not apply to those drinking beer or in a pub. You are probably too high to smell anything except a trail of prefume of a young thing walking by.
HOWEVER, I really don't need the coffee from your mouth.
I have smelt coffee from others' mouth before. Although it is not as bad as a burp after a feast of durian, it is not inviting as well. It is unpleasant when you are talking real business like why our revenue is not looking good this quarter, why our expenses are so high, why Oracle sucks, why you look so buzy these days...etc.
So, please rinse your mouth after coffee and before opening your mouth. Alternatively, use yahoo im, msn messenger, skpye, netmeeting, webmeeting, conference calling, gesturing......anything but opening.
Note: this does not apply to those drinking beer or in a pub. You are probably too high to smell anything except a trail of prefume of a young thing walking by.
Humour, thank God!
http://www.comics.com/
Once read, "When God created men and women, He gave a little extra to those with a good sense of humour. " Now I remember what the extra is. It's called the funny bone.
Thank God!
I admire people with a good sense of humour. They have a special place in my heart. That special place is called "THE PLACE FOR PEOPLE WITH A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOUR".
Once read, "When God created men and women, He gave a little extra to those with a good sense of humour. " Now I remember what the extra is. It's called the funny bone.
Thank God!
I admire people with a good sense of humour. They have a special place in my heart. That special place is called "THE PLACE FOR PEOPLE WITH A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOUR".
Friday, April 18, 2008
DURIAN is in town again! BURP!
Had the 1st one of the year 10 minutes ago. Delicious!
BURP!
Go get one now, people! But I heard the ones on the streets are not nice yet. Don't know have to wait for how long....
Boss vs Bossy
I have been blessed with working with bosses who are not bossy.
I have also been cursed with working with bossy who thinks that he/she is a boss. #$$%F%$%^$&.
I have also been cursed with working with bossy who thinks that he/she is a boss. #$$%F%$%^$&.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Searching for THE ONE
Once heard, "A man and a woman are each born as only half of a whole piece. That is why each of us spend our lives searching for the other half. "
My thought, "If you are lucky, you will find the other piece that matches prefectly. If it's not the right piece, you can :
1. let it go and continue searching, or
2. hold on to the one on hand while continue searching (@$#&*^%*7$$%#$%%$), or
3. hold on to the one on hand and try to mould it with love (tough luck!), or
4. hold on to the one on hand and hope to live in peace with the differences (tough luck!), or
5. hold on to the one on hand and eventually live in hell with the differences (serves you right!)".
Why is it so hard for one to unleash his/her choice that is so obviously wrong in the eyes of his/her friends or relatives? Love is blind? You don't understand him/her as much as I do? You all are just jealous? He/She will change? What will I do without him/her? What if the right one never comes?
I guess some find the prospect of loneliness more unbearable.
My thought, "If you are lucky, you will find the other piece that matches prefectly. If it's not the right piece, you can :
1. let it go and continue searching, or
2. hold on to the one on hand while continue searching (@$#&*^%*7$$%#$%%$), or
3. hold on to the one on hand and try to mould it with love (tough luck!), or
4. hold on to the one on hand and hope to live in peace with the differences (tough luck!), or
5. hold on to the one on hand and eventually live in hell with the differences (serves you right!)".
Why is it so hard for one to unleash his/her choice that is so obviously wrong in the eyes of his/her friends or relatives? Love is blind? You don't understand him/her as much as I do? You all are just jealous? He/She will change? What will I do without him/her? What if the right one never comes?
I guess some find the prospect of loneliness more unbearable.
Hawker defined
One American consultant 's definition of "hawker" when we told him that we were going to take him out for hawker's food during his 1st trip to Malaysia:
Painter = someone who paints
Hunter = someone who hunts
Hawker = someone who hawks?
Hawker's food = food that is hawked by hawkers?
But then again, looking at the price they are charging now, they ARE hawks hawking on poor innocent hungry helpless preys.
Painter = someone who paints
Hunter = someone who hunts
Hawker = someone who hawks?
Hawker's food = food that is hawked by hawkers?
But then again, looking at the price they are charging now, they ARE hawks hawking on poor innocent hungry helpless preys.
Day Light Robbery!
My ex-boyfriend had to go to the income tax department to endorse a document yesterday. After the endorsement, the officer asked my ex to make a copy of the document because he needed a copy for his record. So, my ex had to go the copier just beside the dept (which is owned by the dept also) and they charged 20 cents per copy. The copy came out with a line. The operator asked my ex, "How?" My ex told her, "My original does not have any line. If the copy comes out with a line, you have to make another copy lah! Furthermore, you are charging 20 cents per copy. This is day light robbery!" So, she reluctantly made another copy. My ex paid only 20 cents lah!
Question from the rakyat :
1) If the officer needs a copy, why can't he make a copy himself?
2) Why are they charging 100% more than outside? Why are they even charging?
3) If you go to any other shop and the copy comes out dirty, they will automatically make another copy for you without extra charges. Do they need to ask how?
Note : ex-boyfriend = hubby
Question from the rakyat :
1) If the officer needs a copy, why can't he make a copy himself?
2) Why are they charging 100% more than outside? Why are they even charging?
3) If you go to any other shop and the copy comes out dirty, they will automatically make another copy for you without extra charges. Do they need to ask how?
Note : ex-boyfriend = hubby
A Doctor vs Adapter
One of our colleagues, James Hsieh, is a Taiwanese staying in US. On his first business trip to India, he was so sick that he had to stay in the business hotel bed. He called the operator for a doctor. Below was the conversation:
J (James)
O (Operator)
J : I need "a dahtergh".
O : Ok, sir. Wait a minute. Sir, our record shows that you have "adaterrrr".
J : No, I have not seen "a dahtergh".
O : But sir, our book shows that you HAVE "adaterrr".
J : I have NOT seen one. Don't you think that I would have known if I have seen one?
O : Ok, ok sir. We will send one right up.
5 minutes later, the bell rang. Struggling to get up under piles of comforter and trying to stay alive, James got up to open the door. There he was. The delivery guy. Standing straight like a pro butler. Holding AN ADAPTER like he was holding diamond in a showroom, "Sir, your "adaterrr"."
We are blessed that James is still alive today.
J (James)
O (Operator)
J : I need "a dahtergh".
O : Ok, sir. Wait a minute. Sir, our record shows that you have "adaterrrr".
J : No, I have not seen "a dahtergh".
O : But sir, our book shows that you HAVE "adaterrr".
J : I have NOT seen one. Don't you think that I would have known if I have seen one?
O : Ok, ok sir. We will send one right up.
5 minutes later, the bell rang. Struggling to get up under piles of comforter and trying to stay alive, James got up to open the door. There he was. The delivery guy. Standing straight like a pro butler. Holding AN ADAPTER like he was holding diamond in a showroom, "Sir, your "adaterrr"."
We are blessed that James is still alive today.
Old and Dying
How do you know you are getting old?
When you receive less wedding invitations.
How do you know you are dying?
When you find more familiar names in the arbituary.
When you receive less wedding invitations.
How do you know you are dying?
When you find more familiar names in the arbituary.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
How to find Depression
Depression is self-inflicted. Depression doesn't come to you. You go finding it yourself. Find your path to depression. Record every steps you need to be depressed. When you know how you did it to yourself, then you may find its evil twin, happiness.
Steps to depression:
1) Sink yourself in a gloomy environment. It maybe physical like going to a dark corner of a room or imaginary like a dark corner of your heart.
2) Dwell on the incident(s) that makes you feel bad.
3) Settle for the thought that no one , not even yourself, can help you.
4) Repeatedly think that you are not strong to change anything or you are so helpless because nothing can be changed.
To find the evil twin of depression, REVERSE all of the above. For example 1) physically go to a bright place. 2, 3 & 4, I think, are called the state of mind. Create a switch to reverse these states. It may be funny. But mine is just a simple phrase, "Don't think". When my mind starts to wonder off to the dark side, I will chant in my heart "don't think" about 3 times. That is my switch. Once this is on, the whole room in my heart will brighten up until all I can see is plain white space for me to start anew.
Life is good!
I guess Anger is also self-inflicted. Just that I have not found THE SWITCH. Grr.......
Steps to depression:
1) Sink yourself in a gloomy environment. It maybe physical like going to a dark corner of a room or imaginary like a dark corner of your heart.
2) Dwell on the incident(s) that makes you feel bad.
3) Settle for the thought that no one , not even yourself, can help you.
4) Repeatedly think that you are not strong to change anything or you are so helpless because nothing can be changed.
To find the evil twin of depression, REVERSE all of the above. For example 1) physically go to a bright place. 2, 3 & 4, I think, are called the state of mind. Create a switch to reverse these states. It may be funny. But mine is just a simple phrase, "Don't think". When my mind starts to wonder off to the dark side, I will chant in my heart "don't think" about 3 times. That is my switch. Once this is on, the whole room in my heart will brighten up until all I can see is plain white space for me to start anew.
Life is good!
I guess Anger is also self-inflicted. Just that I have not found THE SWITCH. Grr.......
Thumbs up, People
When you are nice to the others on the road, how do they show their appreciation?
Most of them will put up their hands like trying to give you a distant high 5 and/or nod their heads in appreciation.
I met one who gave me a thumbs up. At that moment, I felt like a SAINT. That was the best gesture that anyone can receive from a prefect stranger.
So, the next time you want to show your appreciation, THUMBS UP.
If you have never shown any, @#$%^&*(. You think you own the road ah?
Most of them will put up their hands like trying to give you a distant high 5 and/or nod their heads in appreciation.
I met one who gave me a thumbs up. At that moment, I felt like a SAINT. That was the best gesture that anyone can receive from a prefect stranger.
So, the next time you want to show your appreciation, THUMBS UP.
If you have never shown any, @#$%^&*(. You think you own the road ah?
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Good Looking Ex-Bosses
I bumped into my good looking ex-bosses, Ah Chai and Ah Ken today. Still looking good!
Big Car moving to another track
Today, Ah Hock announced Big Car moving to another track. That is a surprise! She has been with the company for 2.5 years. A petite lady with eagle eyes that can shoot arrows and a mouth that can cut one into slices. Her diamond earrings and ring are as big as my cornea.
Today, she and her cronies are in town for a review. My ex-boss (Monk) asked me to send her his regards. I told him I will try to fly by and make myself noticed. Drop a pen or something. Or maybe wait for her in the loo.
If she doesn't see me, here's what I wanted to tell her.............................
Adios, my Argentinian car. Take care.
Today, she and her cronies are in town for a review. My ex-boss (Monk) asked me to send her his regards. I told him I will try to fly by and make myself noticed. Drop a pen or something. Or maybe wait for her in the loo.
If she doesn't see me, here's what I wanted to tell her.............................
Adios, my Argentinian car. Take care.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Insurance, Unit Trust, Financial Planner
Spare me.
Visit me as a friend but not a potential downline or customer.
Visit me as a friend but not a potential downline or customer.
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